Addicting
by Who's-Your-Danna
Summary: Cutting is a powerful addiction, and when Mello finds out Near's cutting can he stop him? Takes place in Wammys before L's death.   Warnings: Eventual Mello/Near, self-harm, cursing, and very slight OOC-ness
1. Chapter 1

It's a cold winters day in Manchester, England. Every orphan had retreated back into the warmth main house and back to their rooms. All except me, I was standing outside in the snow staring at the board where the most recent testing results had been posted, just staring at them, fists clenched. I couldn't believe it... he'd beaten me, again. That freak of an albino, Near, beat me. I can't stand losing. Especially losing to that worthless freak.

I was just standing there in the freezing cold as a flurry of snowflakes blew by, sending a shiver through me. I, in nothing but a thin black sweater, black jeans and black boots,was freezing. So I decided that instead of risking my health that I would continue my raging inside the warmth of Wammys in the main house with the others. I was so angry that I found myself pacing by the fire place the common room, just about ready to head to my room when an idea struck me. Why go to my room when I could go into his and take out my anger on he thing that's causing it.

I walked up the staircase, hand trailing along on the banister, muttering to myself "I hate him, I hate that stupid albino. He thinks he's so much better than me just 'cause he's number one." I walked swiftly down the halls of Wammys House to that arrogant albinos room. I realize that I probably sounded crazy to anyone that just happened to be walking down the halls and within earshot. I really didn't care though, everyone at the house knew I had a short temper and that it would be unwise to confront me about talking to myself of all things. 'As soon as I get in there I'm going to beat the hell out of him,' I thought to myself.

Standing in front of the old wooden door I instantly knew something was off, I could hear muffled sobbing. 'No,' I thought, 'that can't be Near, he'd never cry. Not even in the confines of his own room.' I thought, fighting to convince myself that I was not hearing my rival crying and that it was simply my mind playing tricks on me because I was tired and stressed. None the less I open the door quietly and peered inside, seeing him on his bed. Tears were rolling freely down his cheeks, silent sobs wracking his small frame. That however, wasn't the sight that had caused my blood to run cold.

He had his sleeve rolled up and I could see thin, slightly raised scars all along his arms. My eyes traveled down his arm and I caught the glint of something metalic that made my heart nearly stop. He was holding the razor to his wrist. Of course he heard my gasp and wasted no time dropping the razor, and pulling his sleeve down as fast as he could.

... Not nearly fast enough though.

I don't know what came over me but in a second I ran towards him and grabbed his wrist, seeing him flinch and tense up instantly. "Why," My voice came out in a harsh whisper "Why would you do that?" I don't honestly know why I cared so much, part of me was confused about why he would do this to himself, and, well the other part of me still wanted to beat the shit out of him for scoring higher than me on the test.I'm a very complex person, don't judge me.

I was about to say more when I heard some one come up the stairs, and of course it was Linda, I could tell from her loud insistent humming.. God I hate her, she's lucky she's a girl or I'd beat the crap out of her. "Near!" She screamed for him in that annoying voice of hers once she was at the top of the staircase. I swear, it's like nails scratching against a chalk-board. Why does she always have too come at the worst possible moment? Not really caring that she needed him I walked over to the door, shut it, and locked it just as she turned the corner heading towards the room. I turned back to face him as he watched me with his emotionally void gray eyes. "Now talk, why did you do this?"

I watched his eyes flicker from me to the ceiling for a moment then back to me, probably trying to come up with an answer. Then suddenly he spoke. His voice was annoyingly calm," Why would Mello care, Mello hates me." I could tell he wanted to say more, but he decided against it, the stupid twat never used 'you' or- ... Is he fucking glaring at me? I can't believe he has the nerve to glare at me! The little shit...I should- I'm getting off topic, which is probably what he wanted. He was just trying to rile me up. I mentally cursed my self for falling into one of his little mind-games so easily. I hate to admit it,but he had a good point. Why do I care? I took a moment to think of an answer.

His unemotional, yet somehow intense gray eyes never left my face. I thought I even saw something that resembled a smug expression, but as soon as I blinked it was gone. It still was enough for me to forget what I was doing,and for my temper to flair up and get the better of me. "Stop trying to change the subject! God can't you ever fucking answer a simple question without trying to change the subject! You ungrateful little bastard just be glad I don't leave and fucking tell that old geezer Roger about thisI " I realized that I had become side tract once again. I grabbed him by the collar of his oversized white pajama top and yanked him towards me. " Answer me! Why would you do that?" I honestly didn't know why I cared, I just did. And don't you dare say it's my 'motherly instinct' or some crap, because I will not hesitate to beat you.

He didn't flinch when I pulled him towards me like he did last time, and he answered almost immediately in that annoying monotonous voice of his. "Mello tells me not to change the subject, yet that's exactly what he just tried to do." I watched as he reached up and twirled his hair, which from this close I could see it wasn't white, but platinum blonde. Again I lost my temper and punched him square in the nose because I couldn't stand to see that smug ass expression on his face.

I'm not going to lie, it felt good. God did punching that arrogant asshole feel good. I felt his warm blood on my fist, and only then did I realize how hard I had actually hit him. Regardless, I continued the interrogation letting my rival fall limply to the floor and pick himself back up. "I'm going to ask you one more time before I do go tell Roger. Why would you do that?" I fought to keep my voice as calm as I possibly could. I watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose in a vain attempt to the blood that was currently dotting his shirt with red. He's hopeless, I sometimes wonder how he out scores me. I firmly grabbed his arm and led him into the adjacent bathroom.

Once in there, I grabbed for the toilet paper, rolling off a few squares and wadding it up. I turned to face him and threw the wad at him, rolling my eyes and muttering "Idiot" as I watched him fumble with it, nearly drop it, and finally catch it. He took it and held it to his bloodied and thankfully not broken nose until the bleeding stopped then threw it in the trash-can next to the door.

After a few more moments of silence I begin to wonder if he's waiting for me to leave or something stupid like that. "Answer my question, sheep." I say harshly after another minute of waiting. He looks over to me with those bottomless gray eyes,that have a tiredness to them now " It's because of you, Mello." he says, sounding like he's explaining something to a child for the umpteenth time.

I can't believe it... That little shit is actually trying to blame me for this! "Yea, because I obviously have so much influence on the robot boy. " I said, my voice heavy with sarcasm.

I still can't believe he has the balls to do something this stupid and blame me. "Has Mello ever considered the things he does to me? If he hasn't I will list them if he wishes me to..." His voice was tired. "Please Near, you probably couldn't even list two things!" I said, matter-of-factly because honestly I don't think I'm ever really that bad. I mean I hit him that's about it. He takes my statement as a 'go ahead' and begins his list, "Mello hits me, sometimes to the point where it is considered a beating, he is constantly mocking me and constantly trying to bring me down, and he always treats me as if he is superior, although we both know if he was he wouldn't be stuck as second best," At this remark I had to resist the strong urge to hit him again, if only to hear the rest of it.

As he continued I could almost feel all of his pent up anger finally rushing out, though his voice stayed calm and even "Mello has no idea of the hell he puts me through. How hopeless he makes me feel. How tiring it is that he is constantly trying to take away the one thing I'm good at."

I considered this new insight for a moment...

Did I really, albeit unknowingly push him to this..?

I can't believe it.. I actually broke the loser. "Near..." I started slowly, "I... I'm- " Why couldn't I just say it? After trying to say what I wanted to a few more times and failing miserably, I figured that I couldn't say sorry just yet. So instead I settled for, "Look, I'm going to fix this- fix you. And I will...I will make this better." I waited for him to say something

"...Why would Mello help me..?" Again the questions I had no answers to. Why did I care, why am I helping? I decided to just blurt out the first answer that came to me "Because, this is my fault... and I don't want you to die because of me." It was kind of true. I mean I want to be number one. I want it more than almost anything, but I don't want to win that way. And I certainly don't want someone's blood on my hands.

It was getting late, and I knew Roger would be doing bed-checks to make sure everyone was in their appropriate rooms. Even though my room was right across the hall and I knew I could stay for at least ten more minutes until Roger would be coming to check our hall, I didn't want to stay there any longer. I took the razor before turning and walking to the door. As my fingers touched the doorknob I called over my shoulder a quick goodnight and went to my room.

I laid down on my bed, rethinking the events from entire day. In between my left index finger and my thumb I was holding the razor, clutched tightly in my right hand was my rosary. I still can't believe he would do that... I heard footsteps coming but ignored them. A few moments later Roger comes in without knocking and waiting for permission to enter. Something he often scolds us for. I freeze,realizing from here he could clearly see the razor in between my fingers. "Mello!" I heard Roger yell. His voice was a mixture of anger and disbelief. The moment I felt him snatch the razor away from me, I knew I was in some deep shit. "Mello, what were you doing, no I know what you were about to do, what were you thinking! To my office now!" Fuck was the only word that was comming to mind right then.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating in forever. OTL  
>But, I'm updating now and that's all that matters! Right?...No? Okay.<br>I added on more but this is still so short and it kills me.  
>Hope you guys enjoy<p>

* * *

><p>I got up and made my way out of my room. As I stepped into the hallway I saw Near standing at his door, and maybe I imagined it but I could have sworn I saw a look of guilt pass through his features. I stood in the hallway as Roger shut the door but was obviously going through my things checking to see is I had anything else. I walked over to Near.<p>

"Near," I whispered when we were less than a foot apart "I'm not going to rat you out, so don't you dare fucking come clean about your dirty little secret, got it?" All he did was nod, I heard Roger walking to the door my room so I quickly went back to my original spot down the hall. While Roger led me down to his office all I could think about was why I was doing this for Near. I tried to convince myself that I just didn't want him to kill himself because I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt, even though I knew that wasn't the whole truth.

Roger sighed as he sat down in the large brownish-reddish chair behind his huge oak desk while I stood in front of it. I knew he was going to punish me, which is why I wasn't surprised when he took away my chocolate for a month, and decided that I should be put under constant surveillance- "Suicide watch" I think he called it, starting tomorrow. Not only that but I would also begin seeing a therapist as soon as one was found.

Great... now I have to be careful about what I do and say to Near. This will be a pain in the ass later, I just know it. After a long and drawn out lecture from Roger about how self harm was bad, I was finally allowed to go back to my room. But I didn't,of course. I went straight into Nears room, not even bothering to knock first.

"We have a problem." I said, locking eyes with the small,pale boy who was just sitting up in bed. I waited for him to say something, but he didn't. He just kept looking at me with that stupid,sleepy expression which faded soon replaced by that damned emotionless mask. I mean really,I've already seen him without it, so what's the point of continually trying to hide his emotions from me? After all I am trying to help him. Did he really not seen this coming? I seriously wonder sometimes how he's number one and I'm not...that even hurts to think, but if I'm going to help him, I've got to get over it.

I looked over to Near as he slowly moved out of his bed, and over to the window. I walked towards him, not trusting him not to jump considering we were fairly high up and I mean, with all that's happened tonight. "Mello," he said when I was maybe a foot and a half away "...thank you." I could see him watching me, or well my reflection in the glass.

What the hell am I supposed to say to that? I mean, as far as I know he's never said that to anyone before. Unsure of what to do or say I settled for a weak, "Your welcome...I guess." Before excusing myself from this... awkward moment, leaving the room and going to my own for some much needed sleep.

I woke up with a pounding headache, no doubt the result of all of the stress added from last night that has been weighing on me, along with the pressures of keeping my rank as number two while trying to claw my way up to number one, while trying to help the very person I was trying so hard to surpass stay alive and trying to think of how I was going to do just that. My life is pretty complicated, you could say.

And then there was that loud irritating breathing right in my ear...

...Wait...breathing..? What the fuck...?

I sat up quickly, looking on my bed for the source of this unwelcome breathing. My eyes fell on none other then Matt. "What the hell are you doing in here?" I said, glaring at him.

"Eh...Well you see Melly, I-" "Don't ever call me that again, Matt." I interrupted him, not missing the hurt look in his eyes. Not like I cared though. He's annoying, and just because I don't treat him like I do Near, everyone assumes we're friends. The guy is the dumbest person I've ever met, how he was ranked number three was beyond me "Why are you even in here?" I look over to the red-head, who was grinning like the idiot he is. "Can't I just visit a friend?"

I raised an eyebrow at this. "Oh? I wasn't aware you had any, but I can assure you they aren't in here. Now tell me why you're really here." He just smiled at me, probably thinking I was joking when I said we weren't friends. "Well, Roger told me what happened last night and said I would be the one monitoring you and that we'll be rommies soon, isn't that great?" he asked gleefully. ...Why, why me? He didn't notice the glare I was giving him as he continued."So, why were you doing it Mello?"


End file.
